Breathe In, Breathe Out .

Optional audio experience

Today I’m going to start off with some yoga.

First, let me change out of my toga.

Went to a party last night with my spouse,

It was a real animal house.

Ended up at IHOP.

Just us, the cook and a lady with a mop.

Ate breakfast with extra breakfast on top.

Wife said, “um, maybe you should stop?”

All of the sudden, in comes a guy with a bag followed by a cop.

The cop said, “Halt you thief!”

My wife impersonating Charlie Brown said, “good grief!”

I threw up on the clean floor, finally some relief.

The lady with the mop kicked me in the teeth.

I counted all the gum stuck on the table underneath.

Cop removed his taser from what looked like a sheath.

Finally, he subdued the escaping robber.

As we left, my wife said, “tomorrow you’re going to have a headache and it’s going to be a throbber.”

I asked, “What happened?” She said, “That lady gave you a swift clobber.

I’ll call tomorrow and make sure your food doesn’t cost us a dollar.

Honey, you have a little blood and vomit on your collar.”

I sarcastically joked, “I wonder why Rhodes scholar?”

So, I’m doing my yoga all alone.

Will try to find a peaceful zone.

Breathe in, breathe out

Wife comes in with a harsh tone.

“Corporate office for International House of Pancakes is on the phone.

For the incident last night, they want to offer a gift.”

I said, “How about every Friday night they give drunk people a free Lyft?

Also, a raise for all employees working the graveyard shift.

Then we’ll forget all about this little tiff.”

Breathe in, breathe out

Block the noise out.

“They say that’s not something they’re willing to talk about.

I’m going to hang up, I don’t want to shout.”

I said, “please come over here and together, let’s breathe in, breathe out.”

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